The Journey Through Grief: A Compassionate Guide to Loss and Healing

Carolynn Castillo
Jul 18
11 min read

Grief is a universal yet often misunderstood experience. In this blog, Rachel Weinstein, a grief counselor and educator, explores the complexities of grief, emphasizing that it extends beyond bereavement to include losses like health, roles, or life changes. She challenges misconceptions about the stages of grief, advocating for the Dual Process Model, which balances mourning with moments of joy and rebuilding. Using the PIES framework, Rachel highlights grief’s physical, emotional, intellectual, and social impacts, offering practical coping strategies and support tips. Whether navigating grief personally or professionally, this guide provides compassionate insights and actionable steps to foster healing and resilience.

What is Grief?

Grief is a natural and normal process that occurs when there is a loss or significant change in something or someone important to us. While bereavement specifically refers to the grief experienced after a death, grief itself encompasses a much broader spectrum. It can arise from:

Loss of a job, health, or mobility: These types of losses can significantly impact a person’s daily life and emotional well-being. Losing a job can lead to financial stress and a loss of identity, while changes in health or mobility can limit independence and require adapting to a new way of living.

Moving to a new home or city: Relocation can be both exciting and challenging. It often involves leaving behind a familiar support system, such as friends and community, and adjusting to an unfamiliar environment.

Positive changes like having a baby or getting married: Even positive life events can bring stress and require adjustments. For example, a new baby can bring joy while also introducing new responsibilities, and marriage often involves balancing individual and shared goals.

Loss of a role, such as caregiving: When someone loses a role they have identified with deeply, like caregiving, it can create a sense of purposelessness or loss of identity, especially if that role has been central to their daily life.

Emotional losses, such as a sense of safety or security: These losses are harder to define but can be deeply impactful. They often stem from events like trauma, a breakup, or societal changes and may leave individuals feeling vulnerable or uncertain about the future..

Grief is not a single event but a process that unfolds over time. It is deeply personal and varies from person to person.

The Misunderstood Stages of Grief

The stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—were first identified by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in the context of terminal illness. Over time, these stages have been widely adapted to describe all forms of grief, but this has led to common misunderstandings:

They were not intended to apply universally to all types of grief; they were specific to coping with terminal illness.

Grief is not linear or finite; individuals may skip stages entirely, revisit them multiple times, or experience them in a different order.

Grief is far more fluid and dynamic than the rigid framework of these stages suggests, often impacted by personal experiences, cultural background, and individual coping styles.

Because of these misconceptions, many people feel pressured to "progress" through grief in a certain way or timeline, which can lead to frustration and guilt when their experiences don't align with the model. Recognizing that grief is deeply personal and non-linear can create space for a healthier, more compassionate approach to healing.

Rachel Weinstein, however, subscribes to the Dual Process Model, which provides a broader and more flexible understanding of grief. This model describes grief as a pendulum swinging between two main processes:

Loss-oriented activities: This includes mourning, longing, and leaning into the sadness that comes with loss. Individuals may revisit memories, reflect on their relationship with the lost person, or engage in rituals that honor their feelings of grief.

Life-oriented activities: These involve reinvesting in life, finding moments of joy, planning for the future, and gradually rebuilding. This doesn’t mean forgetting or “moving on” from the loss but instead learning to balance grief with moments of lightness and hope.

The Dual Process Model emphasizes that grieving is not about "getting over" a loss but about learning to oscillate between honoring the pain and finding ways to move forward. It acknowledges that moments of laughter, joy, or reprieve during grief are not signs of forgetting or failing to mourn; they are natural parts of adapting to the new reality.

Understanding these different frameworks of grief helps create a more inclusive, empathetic perspective, reminding us that everyone's grieving journey is unique..

Common Emotional Responses in Grief

Grief often brings a range of intense emotional reactions, including feelings of guilt and responsibility. Many people, especially men, may feel they should have done more or believe they could have prevented the loss. These feelings stem from the human tendency to search for control or meaning in a situation that feels overwhelmingly out of their hands.

It’s important to recognize that these emotions are a natural response to loss. Blaming oneself can feel easier than confronting the painful reality of life's fragility and our helplessness in the face of certain events. However, lingering guilt can become a barrier to healing if not addressed.

Acknowledging these feelings without judgment is a key step toward emotional recovery. Support from a trusted community, counselor, or grief group can help individuals process these emotions and reframe their experience, reminding them that grief is not a reflection of their worth or actions, but rather a testament to the depth of their connection to what has been lost..

The Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social, and Spiritual Impact of Grief

Grief is a multifaceted experience that affects every aspect of a person's life. Rachel Weinstein uses the acronym PIES to describe how grief manifests across different dimensions: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social, with an added consideration for the Spiritual aspect. Each of these areas requires unique understanding and support to help individuals navigate their loss.

Physical: Grief often takes a toll on the body, leading to symptoms such as headaches, dry mouth, racing heart, digestive issues, fatigue, and even sensations like feeling cold. These physical responses are the body's way of reacting to emotional distress and can sometimes feel overwhelming.

Tip: Offer practical comfort. Providing water, tissues, and a cozy, safe environment can go a long way in helping someone physically cope with grief. Gentle encouragement for rest and nourishment can also help improve their physical well-being.

Intellectual: Cognitive abilities are often impaired by grief. People may experience difficulty focusing, cognitive slowdown, memory lapses, or trouble making decisions. The brain struggles to process everyday tasks when overwhelmed by the emotional weight of loss.

Tip: Simplify communication by breaking down information into manageable pieces. Provide written materials or resources for reference and send reminders when possible. Patience is key when supporting someone who may feel mentally scattered.

Emotional: The emotional impact of grief is profound, ranging from sadness and anxiety to irritability, numbness, and even disorganization. It’s natural for emotions to fluctuate and feel overwhelming at times, as grief is not linear and varies for each person.

Tip: Normalize these feelings by acknowledging that it’s okay to feel this way. Avoid minimizing their emotions and instead encourage seeking professional support when needed, such as therapy or counseling. Simply listening without judgment can provide immense comfort.

Social: Grief often isolates individuals, either because they withdraw or because friends and family may pull away, unsure of what to say or do. This lack of support can intensify feelings of loneliness, making the grieving process even harder to endure.
Tip: Be present. Offer genuine, non-cliché support, such as saying, “I’m here for you” instead of using platitudes. Rather than waiting to be asked, take initiative by checking in regularly, extending invitations, or offering specific help like delivering meals or running errands.

Spiritual: Grief frequently brings up big existential questions about life, meaning, and purpose. Individuals may find themselves questioning their beliefs or seeking answers to difficult spiritual or philosophical questions.
Tip: Create space for these reflections without offering judgment or unsolicited advice. Allowing them to explore their thoughts and feelings openly can be incredibly healing. If appropriate, suggest connecting with spiritual leaders, support groups, or mindfulness practices.

Grief is a complex, all-encompassing experience, and it doesn’t follow a set timeline or pattern. By understanding the PIES framework and providing thoughtful, compassionate support in each of these areas, we can better support those navigating the profound challenges of loss..

How to Support Someone in Grief

Supporting someone in grief can feel overwhelming, but the most impactful thing you can do is to be present and listen. Grief is a deeply personal experience, and your compassion and understanding can make all the difference. Here are some expanded, practical tips on how to provide meaningful support:

Avoid clichés: While phrases like "I'm sorry for your loss" are well-meaning, they can sometimes feel impersonal. Instead, say something more heartfelt such as, "I'm so sorry you're going through this" or "I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you." These statements acknowledge their pain without minimizing it.

Ask open-ended questions: Encouraging someone to talk about their feelings or memories can help them process their grief. Instead of asking "Are you okay?" (which often feels loaded), try questions like, "What was your loved one like?" or "What's been the hardest part for you lately?" These questions show genuine interest and give them the space to share as much—or as little—as they feel comfortable.

Normalize their feelings: Grief comes with a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, anger, guilt, even relief in some cases. Let them know that whatever they are feeling is valid and understandable. You can say something like, "It's okay to feel overwhelmed. There’s no 'right' way to grieve, and your emotions are normal."

Offer specific help: People in grief often feel too overwhelmed to ask for help, even when they need it. Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," suggest specific actions such as, "Would it help if I brought over dinner on Wednesday?" or "I’m going to the grocery store—can I pick up anything for you?" These concrete offers take the burden of decision-making off their shoulders.

Check in regularly: Grief doesn’t go away after the funeral or memorial service, and it’s important to keep showing up for them. A phone call, a handwritten note, or an in-person visit can be far more meaningful than a text or social media message. Let them know you’re still thinking of them: "Just checking in to see how you’re doing. I’m here if you want to talk."

Be patient and flexible: Grief is not linear, and it doesn’t follow a timeline. Understand that some days may be harder than others, even long after the loss. Avoid putting pressure on them to "move on" or "feel better." Instead, remind them, "Take all the time you need. I’m here for you whenever you’re ready."

Respect their needs and boundaries: Not everyone wants to talk about their loss or share their emotions, and that’s okay. Let them take the lead. If they need space, respect that, but reassure them of your support: "I’m here whenever you’re ready, no rush."

Remember important dates: Anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays can be especially tough for someone who’s grieving. Mark these dates on your calendar and reach out to them with a thoughtful message or gesture: "I know today might be difficult. I’m thinking of you and your loved one."

By showing empathy, patience, and consistency, you can provide the kind of support that makes a lasting difference in their grieving journey. Grief is complex, but your willingness to simply be there can be incredibly comforting..

Grief in Professional Settings

Professionals in fields such as real estate, law, and healthcare frequently interact with clients who are coping with grief. While these professionals are not trained grief counselors, they can still play a critical role in providing meaningful support during difficult times. Grief can manifest in various ways, and understanding how to approach these situations with empathy and practicality is key. Here are some expanded insights on how professionals can support grieving clients effectively:

Recognize signs of grief: Grief doesn’t always look the same. It can show up as disorganization, irritability, forgetfulness, or even an unexpected emotional outburst. Being aware of these common signs can help professionals approach clients with sensitivity and patience, instead of misinterpreting their behavior as unprofessional or disengaged.

Simplify processes: When someone is in grief, even the simplest tasks can feel overwhelming. Professionals should aim to streamline processes as much as possible. Break down complex steps into manageable actions and provide clear, written instructions that clients can refer to later. This can reduce stress and help clients feel more in control.

Communicate with empathy: Acknowledge the client’s emotional state, even if it’s just a simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Small, thoughtful gestures can go a long way in creating an environment where clients feel supported and respected.

Offer resources for grief support: While professionals are not trained therapists, they can bridge the gap by connecting clients with appropriate support systems. Provide information about grief counselors, support groups, or local organizations that specialize in helping individuals navigate loss. Offering these resources demonstrates care beyond the immediate business interaction.

By recognizing the unique challenges that grieving clients face and adjusting their approach, professionals in these industries can make a meaningful difference. Offering understanding, clarity, and resources ensures that clients feel supported, even during one of life’s most difficult experiences..

The Healing Process

Healing from grief is not about "getting over it" but about reaching a place where memories bring more love than pain. It is a deeply personal journey that unfolds differently for everyone, but the goal is to find a sense of peace and balance in life again. The first two years are often the most critical, as this is when emotions are rawest, and the process of adjustment begins. Over time, healing occurs in small, incremental steps, though setbacks are also a natural part of the process.

Several key factors can significantly aid in the healing journey:

Connection to supportive people and environments: Surrounding yourself with understanding friends, family, or community groups can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation. Sharing your grief and hearing others' experiences can foster a sense of belonging and mutual support.

Professional counseling or therapy: Trained professionals can help guide you through the complexities of grief. Therapists can provide tools for coping, assist in processing emotions, and help reframe thoughts when grief feels overwhelming. Specialized grief counseling is especially beneficial for those struggling with prolonged or complicated grief.

Engaging in rituals: Rituals can serve as meaningful ways to honor your loved one and express your emotions. Activities such as writing letters to them, revisiting meaningful spaces, or celebrating anniversaries and milestones can provide a sense of connection and closure. These small acts often become a source of comfort and reflection.

It’s important to remember that grief is not linear. Healing doesn’t follow a set timeline, and there is no "right way" to grieve. By fostering connection, seeking support, and finding personalized rituals of healing, you can gradually move towards a place where memories bring comfort rather than pain..

Conclusion

Grief is a deeply personal and multifaceted journey that touches every aspect of life. It is not about "getting over" a loss but about learning to navigate the pain while finding moments of light and hope. By understanding the Dual Process Model and the PIES framework, we can approach grief with greater compassion and awareness, both for ourselves and others. Healing comes from connection, support, and the courage to face each day, one step at a time. Whether you are grieving or supporting someone through loss, remember that every story of grief is unique, and every step forward is a testament to resilience and love.

About Rachel Weinstein

Rachel Weinstein is a grief specialist and certified grief educator based in Jacksonville, FL. With a Bachelor’s Degree in Applied Health Science and a Master’s Degree in Education with a specialty in Counseling and Counselor Education from Indiana University, Rachel has dedicated her career to supporting individuals through grief, loss, and life transitions. Featured on MSNBC, USA Today, and The Chicago Tribune, she is a recognized voice in grief education and advocacy. Rachel’s passion lies in providing individual support, healthcare advocacy, and public education, particularly for those who are often overlooked.

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-weinstein-06aa58b4/

About Jacksonville Center for Grief and Loss

At the Jacksonville Center for Grief and Loss, you’ll find a space of patience, compassion, and expertise in navigating grief. Here, you’ll gain education on what is natural in grief, along with practical coping skills to address intense emotions like longing, regret, anger, traumatic memories, and unfinished emotional business. This is a safe space where you can share your feelings freely, at your own pace, and be heard without judgment. It’s a place to heal, learn, and find guidance through your darkest moments.